by Gabriel Bell
Don't know if you heard the news, but the gool ol' Supreme Court of the United States has legalized handgun sales and possession in the District of Columbia. Given the already high crime rate and D.C.'s long history of violence, this is what we call in the fashion industry a "bad idea." But who are we to second guess the judgment of the Justices? Given that we have little to no political sway (yet), we've decided bend to the dictates of law and do what we can for the people of the District—compile a round up of the best in bulletproof fashion.
Now, we have to make a little disclaimer here: These looks aren't particularly wearable. If it wasn't for the fact that most of them could stop a .22 round, we wouldn't give them a second glance. That said, all are preferable to walking around with a 50-Cent-style SWAT vest or, more importantly, a hole in your sternum.
First off, Black Armor's Covert Denim Jacket ($800) combines rugged Marlboro Man style with full front, back, and side ballistic protection. It's the perfect choice for the casual Friday bullet dodger. Next, Australia's Duram Products has a natty, Belstaff-looking all weather jacket that can stop the rain as easily as it stops rounds from an AK-47. In a similar vein, Spycatcher of Knightsbridge offers their Weatherproof Disguised Bullet/Stab-Proof Jacket ($1,779), a sharp number that will strike just the right note as you stand over the corpses of your would-be assassins.
If you're looking for an accessory that will truly save your hide, pick up Zahal's Bullet Proof Briefcase ($490), a thick shield disguised as a mere laptop case. Countermeasures beat computers any day. We don't like to think about it, but kids can catch a bullet as easily as anyone else. Thank goodness for Bullet Blocker's My Child's Pack ($175). Now little Georgie can walk home from school without fear.